Up until last night, I have always used mens’ disposable razors. Although I am a woman, lady razors do not remove what I must assume to be the masculine hair on my legs. Maybe the lady razors are too gentle for my butch, iron pumping hair follicles to take seriously. I cut myself shaving quite a bit, though and I can’t use “Neat” hair remover because I’m horribly allergic to it.

So, when I saw “Veet” hair remover at Kroger the other day, I bought it. It’s described on the box as a “warm wax hair removal system.” In layman’s terms, it’s hot wax to apply to your skin and then painfully rip off.

“You only have to do it every two or three weeks.” That is Veet’s main selling point.

That is the selling point because “We want you to put hot wax on your bikini area and then rip it off” is not a good sales pitch.

The question I would put to you is this: Which would you rather do?

Option 1: Trim your nails every couple of days.

Option 2: Have someone use pliers to rip them right out from under your cuticles, leaving only bloody stubs?

Hey, the nails won’t grow back for at least a year if you choose Option 2. Something to think about…

While you’re thinking about that, check out my instructions for Veet use.

Instructions for “Veet” Use:

Step 1: Obtain very hot water. Assemble “roll on” applicator. Remove paper strips from box. Wait a few minutes for wax to appear to be ready.

Step 2: Suspecting this will be very painful, wish that you had had the foresight to get drunk first.

Step 3: Get naked and get into the tub. Again, wish you were drunk.

Step 4: Roll the hot wax onto your leg. Apply one of the paper strips to the area you just waxed. Wait. Wait some more. Rip off the “strip” after it seems to be ready. Stifle a scream.

Step 5: Notice that maybe you should have waited longer, because both the hair on your leg and the wax you just applied to that hair are still there.

Step 6: Feel like an idiot for screwing up something that any moron could do properly.

Step 7: Be slightly relieved that you didn’t do it properly, realizing that it probably hurts a lot more when done correctly.

Step 8: Recognize the fact that you will never put this stuff on your bikini area, because, geez, that’s gotta hurt like hell.

Step 9: Repeat steps 4 and 5 until you run out of strips.

Step 10: Notice that you are now completely covered in gooey wax and used strips. Think “Ew, I hope this stuff washes off easily.”

Step 11: Throw away all remnants of “Veet”. Optional: Throw away anything that reminds you of wax and/or bees.

Step 12: Take a bath to get the wax off.

Step 13: SHAVE YOUR LEGS!

Please note: If you wish to skip Steps 1-12 and go directly to Step 13, I certainly won’t judge you for it.

We had no gas and electric service yesterday. Every time the wind blows in this neighborhood, our power goes out. I absolutely am too spoiled to do without electricity. All there was to do around here was to read or do puzzles by candlelight. We ended up going to the movies last night in hopes of alleviating the painful boredom that ensued after about four hours with no internet access or television. We saw “Malibu’s Most Wanted”. I laughed my ass off. Granted I was a bit slap happy to begin with, but I think I’d have giggled quite a bit even on a normal day. Don’t be hatin.

Just added some links to my site. I’m a puzzle and game fanatic. So, Popcap Games and All Star Puzzles are must haves on my favorites list. Also, have added a vegetarian site and a few political sites. I’ll try to chill out on the embittered rants about the war. Or, at least be a little less preachy in my presentation. I’ll leave the preachy rants to the pope. The pope thinks the war is wong, by the way.

Just putting that right out there first, so there is no doubt where I stand. I STAND PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AND BARE ASSED SO THAT BUSH MIGHT KISS MY PROUD POSTERIOR. If that seems disrespectful to our DESERTER, uh, Commander-in -Chief then so be it.

I feel deeply sorry for the parents who have sent their children to possibly die in Iraq on the orders of a man who obviously would not put himself in harms way. He is a coward who hides behind the word “patriotism” so that he cannot be attacked. He is a man who must do this, because if challenged he will fall over like a paper doll. I offer him my posterior. I would prefer not to have his greasy lips there, but this is allegorical of course.

I cannot imagine how I would feel if my daughter or son had been sent. I know I would want to believe we were in this for the right reasons. For example, maybe to stop a terrorist threat. I would love to believe that was GWB’s motivation in sending troops except that wait, I remember, it was that BIN LADEN guy that was responsible for 9/11.

Hey, this is an interesting David Copperfield act you are pulling, Mr. GW. “Look over here at Iraq and maybe you won’t notice that I still haven’t pulled Bin Laden out of my hat.”, says the master of delusion.

Oh, and way to go what with the bombing the hell out of Baghdad and going against the UN and all, because that has made anti-American sentiment a thing of the past, no doubt.

How do you fight terrorism this way? Wouldn’t it be a much better idea to actually find and kill Bin Laden and his constituents?

This war is about oil. This war is about our dependence on foreign oil. It is about exxonmobil.
It sickens me that he is using 9/11 to sell us his war.

I know that more innocents are being lost now. Innocent lives on both sides. I feel the same thing now that I did on 9/11. I am watching helpless as people die in flames on my television screen. Not a good feeling. Not at all.

I don’t think God has chosen our people. I don’t think God has chosen their people. I think people use God as a way to force their beliefs and way of life onto other people. I think an American life is worth the same as any life. No more and no less.

I think the new Patriotism is the new racism only blacks are allowed to play this game too. We can hate, hate, hate. (In case you’re out of the habit and not sure who to hate, just start with the French. You don’t need a good reason. Just hate ‘em for not being American.)

Hate me too. Hate everyone who has an opposing viewpoint about this war. You better do that. If you don’t hate us or boo us or try to stifle us, we might shatter the American dream.

Or, maybe, just maybe and I hope this is still true….America is about protecting the voice of the minority, no matter how small that voice might be. That’s an important thing to do, because some day you might be part of a minority. And, because sometimes the voice of the minority is the voice of reason. It has been many times before. Remember slavery? Remember when we had no child labor laws? Remember debtors prison?

America has always grown and come back stronger as a result of the minority finally being heard. Peace and love to all.