Would you like me to send you some blackberry plants? They require no maintenance, and in August, produce great berries. Once they take hold, the neighbor’s dog will never bother your yard again :0)

Thanks for your very kind offer, but sooner or later, every plant I own goes the way of your Venus Flytrap. I’d manage to kill them somehow.

consider embracing the weeds and loving them in their ugliness. it’s simpler that way. trust me.

oh, and your note was unexpectedly, ramblingly cool. like a “tops the list” kind of cool. in short, you kick booty.