I have memorized some things over the years to keep myself company when I get lonely.

The lyrics to the M.A.S.H. theme.

Yep, there are lyrics and I know ‘em.

The lyrics to Nena’s “99 Red Balloons” in the original German.

In German it’s called “99 Luftballoons.” The title actually translates to “99 Air Balloons.” In fact, most of the lyrics are changed in the English version so that they don’t translate closely at all. This profoundly useless knowledge is brought to you by my two years of high school German and two years of German at a community college.

“The Raven”, “Annabel Lee”, and “Alone” by Edgar Allen Poe.

The prologue to The Canterbury Tales in Middle English.

“The Heart” by Stephen Crane.

“Little Orphant Annie” by James Whitcomb Riley.

“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost.

The first paragraph of The American Crisis by Thomas Paine.

I tell you these things for two reasons:

1. You were NEVER gonna ask me about them, were you?…See? And that sucks, ’cause I’ve been waiting.

2. When I’m kidnapped and they put me into a sensory deprivation chamber to torture me, you’ll know that I still have my Poe and you won’t have to worry so much.

Oh, hey, by the way, do you have some things memorized that are useless and/or obscure that you’d like to share?*

*You can’t say I didn’t ask.